Peekaboo moments
Object constancy and ADHD
The child screaming into a microphone is a metafor for the frustrating feeling of knowing that I forgot something I really should remember - like people...
I read an excellent article recently that talked about neurodivergent people and the issue of poor object permanence, referred to as object constancy in the article. Since that’s an issue I fight against daily it interests me to find out more about how it works. This is what I have figured out so far.
“I am notoriously forgetful when it comes to people. Yes, I have a response to write for a message from my best friend - since Octoberish... So sorry, C! I was surprised today to find my mom messaged me - I haven’t thought of her for days, and wouldn’t have if she didn’t contact me.”¹
It’s important to understand that it’s not a matter of knowing versus not knowing that a person (still) exists. Object permanence refers to the developmental stage where the baby finally understands that things and people exist even though they’re not seen, heard, or felt by the baby. They are permanent. For many, or most, neurodivergent people like myself it is rather a matter of actually remembering the existence of this permanent object or person.
My reality is like living in a state of “Out of sight - out of mind.”
I’m figuring out methods to make it easier to deal with for myself, but haven’t found one that doesn’t involve requesting other people to adapt to my needs. It bothers me…
